I am still full of anxiety, worry, shame, and guilt over my last gambling episode which was this past Sunday. However, I do feel that something has been changed within after spilling my guts out on the first post. There are still a lot of details that I have to include, but looking back at ALLLLL that....I can't believe how much shit I've been through.
I've noticed that my gambling habit steadily increased over the years and started taking more and more financial risks. Why did I continually put myself in such situations? It is because I was able to work things out in the end that I felt that I can get through it no matter what...again and again. That things will work itself out eventually. It usually has.
I cry and pray to God for forgiveness many times. Whenever I am in a bind I go running to him. Begging for forgiveness and asking for help "one more time". I'm surprised God hasn't surfaced to give me a slap in the face and tell me to "Smarten up!".
I hope that the next 48 hours are good ones. That things work out in the end financially.
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